Who Are You?
by cubye4
Summary: What if Edward couldn't stay away in New Moon? What if he went back? What if the Bella he found wasn't the Bella he had left behind?
1. Chapter 1

**Who Are You?**

**What if Edward couldn't stay away in New Moon? What if he went back? What if the Bella he found wasn't the Bella he had left behind?**

EPOV

There are times in our existences, when we may ask ourselves why it is that we were put on this earth. And if you think about those reasons hard enough, you may see no sense to them at all. It is at these times, when we feel the most insignificant, the most unimportant, that we can turn to others for advice and input to why they feel we should live at all. And when the advice helps, we often notice later that it wasn't the advice at all the made sense to us, it was the person who said it. So what do you do when that person is gone?

There was one word I believed could appropriately be compared to such loneliness of that which existed: Pain. But even that word couldn't quite equal the same. No, maybe pain was too much of a simple word, too two-dimensional. Maybe the better word would be agony. Yes, that was it, it was pure agony. That was the feeling.

Or maybe it was just the fact that I didn't know anything. The fact that I had no idea how _she_ was, what _she _was doing. That made sense, I wanted to know. I wouldn't admit it, no never, but it was true. I wanted - no - I _needed_ to know.

But I wasn't weak enough to call; I wasn't weak enough to visit. I said I wouldn't, I owed her that much, didn't I? Yes, I needed to believe that, I couldn't succumb to that level of inability to give her at least one thing.

But no matter what I tried to do, no matter how I tried to think that what I was doing was right, I just couldn't get the pain to leave.

Oh I missed her so badly. I missed those brown eyes, the blush on her cheeks, her smile…..

I wanted to see_ her_, my Bella.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

EPOV

Alice thought she knew everything. Why else would she want to call me every five minutes, begging me to go back? She knew I missed Bella; she wanted me to see her. In truth, she wanted to see Bella too.

They were best friends, she told me, it was more than rude to order her such distance.

But how was I supposed to allow her to see my angel? If Alice went back, I might want to also. I was afraid of taking such chances.

My phone rang just then. I ignored it, like I had before. I didn't want to talk to anyone.

The dust that settled around me seemed to grow thicker, my phone continued to ring.

_Oh, how I missed Bella._ The thought ran through my head and I groaned. No, I didn't want to think about that.

Oh, Bella.

My cell phone rang again. I growled and grabbed it out of my pocket, swirling up the dust beside me.

_"Listen to me,"_ I started through barred teeth_. "You call me one more time and I might rip your head off!"_ I snapped the phone shut before I could hear her response.

I wasn't surprised that my phone went off again.

I brought my fist to the floor, causing splinters to fly.

"Alice," I said, trying to loosen my grip around the plastic I was bound to break. "I told you to leave me alone. Bella's better of without us, _so stop calling me!_"

I was about to close the phone again but Alice shrieked, "Wait!"

"What?" I asked, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Edward, I had a vision."

"About?" I urged, though I didn't really care.

"About Bella." She whispered the name very quietly, but it still had the same tearing effect as it would have if she'd screamed it.

I sat there silently for a few moments.

"Edward, are you still there?"

"Yes," I croaked.

"Edward, you should go."

"What are you talking about Alice?" I whispered. "What did you see?"

She didn't respond.

_"Alice!" _I warned.

"I think she's in trouble."

_Trouble? _Well that sounded like Bella. "What kind of trouble?"

"I'm not so sure," she admitted.

_"Well what the hell is that supposed to mean?!"_

"I couldn't really tell Edward!" she shouted. "But I'm scared," she said in a small voice.

Scared? Alice was scared?

"Alice, what's wrong with Bella?" I asked desperately, her name burning slightly on its way out.

"I saw her, with a guy" – my throat constricted, a _guy?_ – "she looked like she was drunk."

"Drunk?"

"Yes."

No. That couldn't be right. That was simply impossible. Alice had gotten something wrong; Alice made a mistake – a horrible mistake.

"Alice…." I didn't know what to say.

"I know," she murmured.

"Maybe I can go to Forks," I said to myself.

"She's not in Forks," Alice told me.

"Well where the hell is she if she's not in Forks!?"

"New York."

New York? What was Bella doing in New York?

_Hanging out with another guy_, the voice in my head answered. I leaned over in pain.

"I may be able to catch the next plane," I murmured.

"I want to come too."

I was going to tell her no, but she hung up.

I stared at the floor.

Another guy.

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	3. Chapter 3

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..........

EPOV

It wasn't until I had the tickets in my hands that I realized I was doing the wrong thing.

I was about to board the plane with Alice and Jasper behind me (Jasper would not let Alice come with me alone, but I told him he should not tell the rest of the family - I didn't want to throw the whole bunch of us on Bella). I suddenly stopped before the flight attendant.

I ignored her thoughts, which mostly revolved around the beautiful threesome before her, and slipped out of the line without a word.

"Edward?" Alice and Jasper followed me to the plastic seats that lined the airport.

"Edward, the plane's about to leave!"

"I shouldn't go," I whispered. "_We_ shouldn't go."

Jasper and Alice exchanged looks.

"What do you mean?" Alice was eyeing the clock.

"I meant I told her I would let her have the life she deserved. It would be wrong to go back on my word. Bella deserves better than that."

"You're right Edward, she does," Alice agreed. "But right now better _would _be to interfere."

"How is that so?" I questioned. The last of the people were boarding, they were going to close the doors.

Alice gave me a sharp look and flashed her vision through her head.

_..._

_It was a large room where loud music was playing. There were way too many lights that could possibly be necessary, and the shadows bounced across the walls. _

_There was a bar with some tacky looking stools; the bartender looked like he was about forty. _

_Two people were leaning over the counter. The first was a man. He was wearing a large sports jacket over a white T-shirt that was too small for him, and his hair was in disarray. His eyes looked groggy and tired, there were dark circles under his eyes, and his mouth was open in a lazy smile._

_His partner looked just as bad, if not worse. Her hair was past her waist, tangled at the ends, her outfit was too revealing for her young body, for she wore a skin tight tank that dropped down almost as low as her hair. Her skirt reached her high thigh and she was leaning way too far over the counter...._

_She whispered something in the bartender's ear and he smiled, handing her a bottle of beer. She drank it down in two gulps and collapsed into a chair, giggling uncontrollably. _

_The man beside her leaned down to kiss her on the lips._

...

I gasped, my hand grasping onto the plastic chair arms.

"Edward," Alice looked at me, the pain was purely visible in her eyes. "You'll be doing more damage if you don't go."

Jasper nodded, his mouth was clamped shut, my emotions were becoming too much for him.

"That can't be Bella," I whispered. But of course it was.

I knew that face, even as out of it as she was. I knew those eyes, though they didn't shine the way I remembered.

Alice was right. Of course, Alice was right.

I couldn't let that happen to Bella. How had she let that happen to _herself_?

Jasper felt my change of heart and helped my up. Alice handed the flight attendant out tickets, who wished us a good flight with a little too much enthusiasm, and I followed her onto the plane.

Looking out the window as the plane began to climb. Alice's vision replayed in my mind.

What had Bella become? What was she doing to herself? She was drinking? She was underage, who was passing her these drinks? And what about Charlie? Hadn't he raised her better than that?

And why had she left Forks? What happened to make her leave?

I couldn't answer any of those questions and that brought me deeper into my depression.

Who was this Bella I was chasing after?

**..........**

**_So, what happened to Bella?........_**

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	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry I hadn't updated! I was major busy!**

**Well, enjoy!**

EPOV

The plane ride was both too short and too long. It was too short because by the time we touched down on the runway, all the problems I thought I would have sorted out were still there.

The ride was too long in that, though I didn't know how it was that I would approach this unexpected situation, the knowledge that Bella was almost in my grasp was enough to lighten my mood.

My stomach was fluttering at the thought. Regardless of who she seemed to be in Alice's vision, she was my Bella. And I was out to get her.

Alice, Jasper, and I rushed out of the airport the moment we landed. Alice sent warnings to me that I should slow down, for I was going way faster than any human should be able to. I ignored her complaints though; I didn't care what anyone thought.

There was a taxi parked conveniently on the sidewalk, but I looked past it. Jasper was already speeding down the street in a bright red sports car. I vaguely wondered if the owner would miss it.

Jasper looked prepared for driving but I snarled quietly till he gave up the steering wheel. Alice threw herself into the passenger seat, and Jasper squished himself into the nonexistent space behind us.

"Where is she?" I asked Alice as we were barreling down the dark city road. The sky was ink black, but the too bright lights that lined the street hid any stars.

"22nd and 23rd," she whispered.

I swerved around the parked cars, hoping we wouldn't get stuck in traffic, for even at night the streets were packed. I charged through red lights without second glances, I didn't want to stop for anyone.

I almost missed our destination, for I was so intent on where I needed to go, I almost forgot I had to get there.

The small bar was nearly inconspicuous beside the more vibrantly, flashy buildings.

_Oh gosh,_ Jasper thought, looking around. _This place is kind of creepy. _

"All the more of a reason we should get to Bella," I muttered.

Jasper ran to get Alice's hand as she stepped out of the car. He held a protective stance in front of her, though it was only instinct, we knew nothing could hurt any of us here.

The street was mostly empty, except for the sounds coming from the open doors around us. The sounds of clinking glasses, loud laughter, and other things that would never be found in a G rated movie, echoed out to us. I blocked out the thoughts of the people, for they were so muddled and twisted, I couuld probably give myself a migraine trying to decipher them.

I led the way into the old-time-looking pub.

I had never been in a bar myself before. They weren't much of an appeal to a hundred plus year old vampire, as the dark allies outside would be. But I wasn't that sheltered that I didn't know what to expect.

There was a stench, unlike anything that I'd ever smelled before, that first came out to greet us. As unwelcoming as it was, it prepared me for the sight.

My eyes, superhumanly perfect, didn't need time to adjust to the darkness, though I would have appreciated the momentary delay.

The room was not packed. There were about ten or fifteen people occupying the tables, and one dancing foolishly in the middle.

We tried to remain inconspicuous as we walked through the room, which wasn't too difficult for most of the people were close to passing out. But a few heads turning in our direction.

One woman, who looked like she could have been in her early 30s, lifted a thin finger and motioned for us to come towards her. I ignored the gesture and kept my head down to avoid eye contact with anyone. Alice and Jasper did the same, and I was unbelievably grateful that we could walk silently.

It was when we reached the bar in the back of the room that a young lady stepped towards us. She had come from a shaded corner and was almost as silent as we were that at first I didn't even see her approach.

Alice sucked in a small, gasped breath as the girl came near. She stepped in front of us and I watched as her eyes appraised first Jasper, then Alice, and then me.

"Funny," she murmured quietly, and I realized that a few people had turned around to watch us. "I thought I had escaped all my nightmares."

And then Bella turned on her heal to walk swiftly away.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Hiya! Are you happy I updated (finally!)? I'm sorry, but enjoy!**

Sometimes your mind can play tricks on you, and you can think you see something that's really not there. Like how one moment you can think you know yourself, and the next you're doing something you never thought you'd ever do. Or how you can think you know where your life is going, till you turn around and realize you'd lost your way somewhere. Or how you can believe you know someone, and they show you you'd been wrong the whole time.

Like how I believed that Bella loved me.

I'd followed her with such haste that I hadn't taken into consideration how she would feel. I'd left so quickly that I hadn't even thought there was any way she could have possibly changed her mind. And I'd left so fast that I hadn't given my heart time to heal and now, unexpectedly, she was tearing it apart.

"Bella," I called. Her name was utter fire on my tongue, it burned and tore and scarred.

She didn't hear me; well at least that was what I told myself. My mind was gracious enough not to let me believe that she had chosen not to listen.

"Bella, please."

Maybe it was the horror of my tortured voice that made her stop, or maybe it was just that she felt guilty. Perhaps it was a mixture of both. Either way, she paused in the middle of the room and turned to face me.

I had never imagined that an angel could look so dead. From where she stood the light hit her in such a way that let me see, more than I had noticed before, what our time apart had done to her.

Her face was smaller, thinner than I remembered. Her skin was pale and it made her look sick. There was no color in her cheeks; there was no emotion in her eyes. There was no _life_ there.

If I hadn't known better I could have said she was a vampire. I hadn't known till then that there was more than one way a monster could spread his misfortune.

I didn't know what I could possibly say to her. How do you convey to such a wonderful, perfect person that you were sorry you had destroyed her life?

For it was my fault that she was there now. It was my fault she looked the way she did. If it hadn't been for my selfishness I might have been able to stay away. I might have been able to let her live.

After all, that was what she deserved. My own feelings – they weren't as important.

"Oh, Bella. I'm so-"

"Don't say it."

She didn't shout the remark, but I wish she had. I deserved it. I deserved anything and everything she wanted to say to me. I needed it.

But she was calm when she spoke to me, as if she knew she was making it worse.

"I don't care about what you have to say," she murmured. "And I don't want to hear it."

Of course she didn't. How could I be so naïve to believe that she did? I'd left her for months; I'd gone back on everything I'd ever said to her. Why should she put up with my apologies?

"If you traveled all the way here just to say you're sorry than I'm afraid you wasted your time."

"Wasted?" I thought, and it took me a moment to realize that I'd accidentally said it aloud.

Bella didn't respond to my slipped comment. She turned again and made her way towards the door.

I knew I shouldn't have, but a part of me screamed that maybe her show was merely that, maybe I was dreaming. I'd lied to her to save her, but maybe she hadn't ever believed me.

I reached out to grab her arm and before I could even touch her I knew that I had made a mistake.

Bella stopped and her hand automatically shot up to push my arm off her. She wasn't nearly as strong as I was, and I could have held on, but I didn't.

"_Don't_ touch me," she sneered. "Don't you dare-"

She never finished her sentence. A figure suddenly appeared beside her and silenced her rejection.

He was taller than she was, and bigger. He had long, brown hair that fell down to his shoulders and a baseball cap that covered most of his face. Even so I was able to recognize him as the man from Alice's vision. When he put his arm around Bella's shoulder I felt a sudden urge to violently tear him off her, but I held myself back.

"Is everything alright, Iz?" he asked her, and I saw how his arm flexed tighter.

"Yeah Ian, everything's fine."

She didn't sound very convincing and I could tell by her new friend's thought that he didn't believe her.

"Is he causing you trouble?" he murmured lowly to her.

Bella glared at me before she answered. "No, he was just leaving. They all were."

She shot fiery looks at Alice and Jasper as well and then moved closer to Ian. I probably wouldn't have noticed if it wasn't for the fact that I was so _used_ to her. I was so attuned, even after all this time, to the way she moved. I had to be, for I was used to the way _I_ used to move around _her_, how I could shift my self to mirror her. How I could predict, before she lifted a finger, that she was going to run her hand through her hair.

Just like she did now.

"Go," she ordered. "Go now or I can tell Ian to go get his Dad. You don't want that. I know you don't."

She was right, I didn't want to fight anyone – well my reason didn't. The monster wanted to attack, it wanted to hurt and tear.

There was a pressure on my shoulder – a reminder from Alice.

"No, we don't want that." My voice cracked against my will.

"Good."

That was the way she dismissed us, and along with it, all the truths I'd ever expressed to her and all the lies I'd told for her sake.

Jasper nudged my from behind and though I know I didn't want to, my feet walked me towards the door. I opened it without noticing I had done so.

Alice and Jasper went out ahead of me. Perhaps they knew how reluctant I was to go; perhaps they were planning on dragging me out. I didn't know. I didn't even bother to read their thoughts to find out.

I glanced again at Bella before I left. Her hand was linked with Ian's and her head was resting against him. She must have sensed that I was looking at her for her eyes shot up to meet mine.

Maybe it was the fluorescents, or maybe it was that I was hoping so strongly that Bella couldn't possibly have meant anything she said.

Or maybe the look of sadness and heartbreak really was on her face.

But then again, sometimes your mind can play tricks on you, and you can think you see something that's really not there.

Bella looked away before I could be sure.

I let the door slam behind me as I left and ran off into the darkness before Alice or Jasper could catch up to me.

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	6. Chapter 6

***I never owned Twilight, but I love to mutilate its characters!***

**Hey! I'm so excited, I can update! Ooh yeah! Let's do a little dance….. Oh, I shouldn't have had all that sugar, well, enjoy!**

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The specks of crumbled plastic fell from my fingers and onto the floor, littering the carpet so that it looked like a storm of burnt charcoal had blown through the tiny room.

There was a knock at my door but I didn't get up to open it. She could probably break it down if she wanted to, they both could. But then they'd probably go to jail, or maybe not.

Alice wasn't that dumb. She could clean up any mess; she could make the crime scene of a World War attack look like nothing more than a freak accident.

Heck, she was the one who helped me last year. She was the one who faked an alibi for Bella's injuries, the injuries she had received because of the sadistic vampire who wanted to torture her to death. Wanted to torture her because of me.

I squeezed the remote harder, so that the fine dust floated slowly and settled lighter.

Alice banged on the door again. "Edward, I _know_ you're there," she growled.

I didn't answer, though I could think of more than a few things I wanted shout at her. I didn't say them though, like I wanted her to hate me too.

I destroyed the last of that T.V. remote and switched to the one for the V.C.R. I started with its buttons first. I tore the dull, red rubber from the grey plastic and threw them against the wall with such force that when they bounced against the linoleum, they jumped up to hit the ceiling.

I stared at the scattered pieces for a few moments then reached out and dissected the remote itself along the middle. I pulled out the wiring that lined it, and detested the fact that I knew exactly how it worked. It acted as a sign to how much I knew, a sign to how much time I had spent studying those mundane things that meant close to nothing to me. Nothing compared to what I had been waiting for.

What I had lost.

I threw the parts out the open window and looked down at what I held in my hands. The two AA batteries were probably years old, ancient. But that didn't mean much to me; if anything it made them more symbolic.

I picked one up in each hand and held them by the tips of my fingers. In one swift move and crushed them in my palms and then rubbed them together hard, to make sure I had gotten it all.

I let the dust run from one hand to the other before I tossed the pile out the window, where I could hear it land on the other garbage. Where its heart landed with its body.

"Edward, please open the door."

I hissed like an animal. Like a monster.

"Edward, I know you're upset but please, you're not helping anything by acting all depressed."

Gosh, I wanted her to shut up! I wanted her to go away, and never bother me again. I wanted her to leave me alone, I wanted her to _disappear_!

I didn't realize how hard I had been grasping the arm of the couch and was quite surprised when it broke off and fell on the floor.

"Crap," I muttered, though I found that deep inside I didn't care at all.

"Edward?" It was Jasper this time. "Edward can you please open the door? Alice is about to commit vandalism."

I sighed very loudly and very long before I took the hotel room card and slid it across the floor. It glided under the door and Jasper picked it up.

They were beside me in an instant.

Alice glanced around. "Nice room you booked," she muttered disapprovingly.

I growled so loud that the flock of birds that had made themselves comfortable in the tree outside, scattered instantaneously.

"Sorry," Alice said at once.

I made no comment to let her know if I had accepted her apology or not.

"Edward," Jasper said, trying to grab my attention, for I had found a forgotten sandwich under the couch and I was pounding the stale bread.

There were so many_ old_ things in this room.

"Edward, I know you're feeling terrible right now and I know you don't want to hear anything we want to say, but you have to see some _reason_."

_Reason? _I thought. Where was there reason in any of this? Where was there reason in a love story that had suddenly turned off coarse?

"Edward you have to move on," Alice insisted. "You told _her_ to."

That did it. I straightened up and lunged at her, grabbing the collar of her shirt and guiding her to the wall. I held her up as I spat in her face. "Don't you think I _know_ that?! Don't you think I hate myself for that!?"

Jasper had me in his grasp before I could do any real damage, and I was shocked when I realized I had wanted to. He threw me against the other wall and then stood in a protective position in front of Alice.

"Stay away from her -" he started, but I didn't let him finish.

He was rebuking me? _They_ were the ones who followed me. _They_ were the ones who more or less stalked me and badgered me for the past three and a half hours.

"Stay away from _me_," I snapped. "You're right; I don't want to hear what you want to say. I don't care."

How could I? How could I possibly care about anything anymore?

For the person who I had cared about most had outwardly told me that those feelings were no longer mutual.

"Edward, I'm so sorry," Alice whispered quietly. She looked like she would have been crying if she could.

I nodded, it was the most I could do to apologize to her as well.

_I forgive you._

I nodded again_._

Jasper calmed down as he felt my emotions settle. He carefully stepped away from Alice and walked up to me. "Bella has the right to move on," he said, and held up a hand when I started to protest.

_Let me finish_, he begged.

I sat down woodenly on the couch.

"Bella has the right to do whatever she wants, she has your _permission_," he continued. "Alice is right, you told her she should and you can't blame her for listening to you."

I opened my mouth again. I didn't want to hear what he was going to say, I already knew it. I knew he thought I should give up. He thought I should let her go, like I could do that so easily.

But he surprised me when his thoughts suddenly veered in a whole new direction.

"But just because you said all that, doesn't mean you should accept it."

I looked up at him in shock. He was standing right in front of me and his arm was rapped around Alice's waist, as though he was holding her up and with it everything that mattered to him.

"What should I do?" I begged.

He looked at Alice and then turned back to me.

"You should fight for her."

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	7. Chapter 7

**Hello, hello! I hope you enjoy!**

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Words are pretty silly things if you think about them hard enough. They can be the difference between friendship and hatred. They can be the difference between truth and lies. But they can also be taken so lightly that very often you find something you said may not be all as easy as you'd fist expected.

It was the same with Japer's words.

Sure he told me I should fight, but was that really so simple? Sure he thought that if I really loved Bella – and I did – that it could all fall into place very nicely. But it was easy enough for him to say it; it was harder for me to actually believe it.

So when he told me I should get up and go after her, I was momentarily taken aback. Where exactly was I supposed to start, where exactly was I supposed to find her? And when I did, what was I supposed to say to her? _'Well hello there Bella, see I was in the neighborhood and I thought…' _That was sure to get me far.

I was feeling less angry as time went by, but that did not mean that I was happy. I was miserable at best. Hopelessness was almost as bad as rage, but it touched a different part, so that now I could say I had been punctured in almost every emotion I had ever found existed. Though if I were to say that aloud, those simple words would not have been worthy enough to really express the grief.

If Bella really meant what she'd said, if her looks of hatred had not been an act (and my mood was making me believe that they weren't), she was not going to be all that glad to see me. I was beginning to feel quite guilty, actually. Did I really have the right to go after her? Was I causing her unnecessary anguish that wasn't going to get her anywhere? Because if she really no longer felt the same way as I, would my efforts at trying to get her back not only be wasteful, but harmful?

I loved her enough to know that if she really did not want me, it was wrong for me to try to change her mind.

The problem was, my heart did not wish for me to give up. Even if it meant that I had to drag her by her ankles to get her to follow and shackle her to the seat of the plane. I was willing to cause her that much distress if it meant that I could take her home with me.

So though I didn't exactly feel right stalking the girl I loved, I didn't feel all that bad as I searched her name in the phone book.

"You're not going to find her in there," Alice said when she saw Jasper flipping through the Yellow Pages. "If she only moved recently she wouldn't be listed in those. Then again, she could be staying with someone else…."

"She looked like she was pretty familiar with that bar last night," I muttered quietly. "Maybe she's gone back."

"Possibly," Alice mused.

"You still haven't seen her?" Jasper asked, flinging the phone book onto a table and walking over to sit next to her.

"It's almost as if she's… not there. Like she's alive," she added in quickly when she saw the look on my face, "but she's vague and, well, cloudy."

I nodded to myself. I had seen in Alice's head the visions she'd seen and been pondering all morning. They were hard to understand and blurry. I could tell that Bella was alive of course, but her actions seemed so uncertain that they were almost like a mush. Alice couldn't figure out why Bella's future was like that, maybe it was that she hadn't looked for her in so long that her mind wasn't as attuned….

"Maybe she's drunk?" Jasper suggested.

"Maybe," Alice said uncertainly. "But I saw her alright before, and she seemed more than a little tipsy."

"Does it really matter?" I snapped. "Who cares why you can't see her clearly? Find her."

Both Alice and Jasper were used to my outbursts and they did not respond.

I wasn't exactly proud that I was being so short with them, but I didn't want them to know that Bella's unreliable future was unnerving, and scaring me more than they could imagine.

Jasper picked up the phone book a couple of minutes later and I sighed in frustration. Neither of them looked up as I walked towards the door, though Alice did whisper "good luck," as I left.

It was the third time I had circled the neighborhood. The first time I'd searched for Bella it had been just after dawn and not only did I not find her, I met close to no one at all. The second time I had read the thoughts of some of the tired office workers who were carrying their heavy suitcases and running to catch their various buses. But not one of them had seen a brown eyed, long haired, beautiful girl, who had lips that could glide so perfectly against mine, or had hands that knew my face as well as I knew hers….

I was regretting the fact that I had run so far away form her last night. Who knew it could be so easy to lose a human?

I walked quickly down the now crowded streets, but again, no one had seen Bella.

It took me over half an hour to reach the bar where I'd seen her last night. But there was no trace of her inside it and to my great misfortune it had rained last night, so that any hope of her lingering scent had been washed from the streets.

So how was I supposed to find her?

I continued slowly and halfheartedly down the long blocks. Some people stopped and stared at me as I went.

_He's so cute! Lisa's gonna be so jealous_....

_Hottie alert! Maybe he's single_....

_Why does that guy look so sad? He's… wow… but he looks like he's in pain_....

I tried to ignore them, but it was pretty difficult since I was also trying to sift for something about Bella.

And it was almost as if I had conjured her up, because not a moment later I turned around the corner and found what I had been looking for.

Bella was standing with her back to me, in front of an outdoor coffee house table. She wore a silly looking purple and pink striped apron and was talking to a customer in a very agitated manner.

"Well I'm sorry, but just because your last waitress gave you a free refill doesn't mean that -"

"She told me you don't have to pay for those," the man interrupted her with an air that suggested he had repeated this a few times already.

"I understand, but apparently -"

"Apparently you're waitresses are pretty lousy and inept." And with that the man stood up from his chair and walked away, leaving Bella there with an unpaid check and an empty coffee mug.

I went over to her automatically and dropped a twenty dollar bill into her hand from over her shoulder. She turned around instantly, and if I thought she had seemed stressed before, she looked worse now.

She looked like she was going to say something but closed her mouth quickly and turned away. I followed her into the coffee shop and to the front counter; she didn't make any movement to acknowledge that she knew I was there. She took her wallet out from her jean pocket and pulled a few bills out. She placed them on top of the check and then slipped it across the counter to the dark haired man standing behind it.

He gave her a very long look and frowned. Apparently this wasn't the first time Bella had had bad luck with her customers.

She didn't wait for him to rebuke her; she turned from him and hurried to a table in the far corner of the shop, where a very rowdy little boy was throwing muffin bits at the ceiling.

"Please, ma'am," she pleaded with the boy's mother, whose head was obscured by the newspaper she was holding. She looked up momentarily to say "Johnny, stop," then resumed her reading without even a glance in Bella's direction.

The boy didn't listen but Bella seemed too worn to argue any further. She gazed at the pair tiredly before she left them.

I trailed behind her as she crossed the room, past a couple who was asking for more sugar, and through a little door that was nestled quite cozily in the corner. She looked at the bleak tiled wall of the bathroom momentarily before she locked the door and turned on me.

It was as if a shadow had suddenly been lifted off her face, as if all her weariness had washed away and vanished so that I could barely even imagine that it had ever been there in the first place.

"I thought I told you to leave me alone," she murmured harshly, and unlike the calm pretense of the night before, she growled the remark.

"I -" She didn't let me continue.

"Have you both been following me then?" she demanded, though she seemed to be speaking mostly to herself. "Do you think it's funny?"

"Funny?" I questioned, and I couldn't hide the hurt in my voice.

"Yes, you must think it is since you keep on doing it." Her voice seemed to be rising with her temper. "Both of you. If I didn't know better I would have guessed you'd traveled together."

This time I caught the plural. "Both of whom?"

She didn't seem to hear me; she was preoccupied with a fly that was making criss-cross patterns through the air. Dipping down low, it buzzed close to the floor but did not land.

"I told Ken to take care of that," she complained as the fly now began to circle her head. "No one seems to take me all that seriously anymore."

The way she said it reminded me of what I'd been pondering earlier – how words can be both strong and harsh, but also seemingly innocent, all at the same time.

"I want to talk to you," I began slowly. I waited for a few moments, half expecting her to shout or yell. But she remained quiet and I took that to mean I was invited to continue. But I had been mistaken, because not a moment after I said "When we left," her eyes got very dark and her face turned very hard.

"Don't," she begged, or perhaps she had commanded it. "Stop."

"Bella."

She stepped back from me, so that she was pressed up against the wall, her hands held up in front of her as though she was protecting herself from an invisible force.

"Don't call me that," she hissed.

I was so taken aback by her abrupt change in emotion that I didn't know what to say.

"Never call me that again, do you understand?" Her voice cracked and I thought she was going to cry. But this new girl surprised me – she shed no tears, though her eyes were livid.

And I recalled from perfect memory what her friend, Ian, had called her last night. "You changed your name to Iz?" I asked.

"My friends like to call me Izzy," she said before she could stop herself.

"Izzy?"

She didn't cheat herself to answer me again.

And before any more of those horribly difficult, and so often misunderstood, words could be shared between us, there was a knock at the bathroom door.

Bella jumped at the sound of it, skirted past me and clicked the lock open. She paused only to drop the twenty I'd given her, back into my hands, before she hurried out of sight.

The young girl stared at me as I passed, and her eyes were wide with the many fantasies I could hear playing behind them.

I did not meet her gaze as she walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. I leaned against the wall and had the fleeting wish that there _had_ been something between Bella and me, as the girl had predicted.

But I let that thought drop like a stone as I noticed a faint buzzing noise from beside my ear. I looked in time to see the fly that had followed us out, swooping in terror around my head, starting for the front door.

But before it could escape, my natural instincts kicked in and I plucked the fly from the air and squashed it in my palm. A token for Izzy.

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**That chapter was actually pretty long, so I'd like some reviews for that! (Please?) : - )**


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